so. it happened

i was permanently banned from hack club. can't say i didn't expect it.

what led to this

over the past few weeks, whilst trying to report serious data protection issues, i let my frustration and anger completely take over how i treated people in the community. what started as legitimate concerns about privacy violations turned into me being genuinely abusive toward individuals who didn't deserve it.

at 21:16 on the 5th of August, hussein from the fire department (hack club's conduct team) contacted me, saying i was banned for "repeated disrespectful behaviour" including "insults and deadnaming others." they made it clear this wasn't because i criticised hq - hack club values feedback - but because of how i treated other community members.

there were multiple reports about my behaviour. i had a one-on-one conversation with lou and received reminders to be more respectful, but honestly, i told them i wouldn't change unless hq staff changed too. that was completely the wrong approach, and i see that now.

the final hours

about an hour before the ban, i published my full statement acknowledging my behaviour and apologising to specific people i'd hurt. i genuinely thought this might make a difference, so i tried to appeal the decision by pointing hussein to my apology post.

hussein was actually really kind about it. he appreciated that i'd taken time to apologise and reflect, but the ban remained permanent. he said it wasn't an easy decision and came after "hundreds of messages and discussions with many people involved."

when i asked for specifics about what i'd done wrong, he confirmed the main issues: repeated disrespectful behaviour, insults, and deadnaming others. the fire department had tried other approaches first but didn't see any change in my conduct.

taking accountability

i was a downright abusive, arrogant, and annoying piece of shit. i got what was coming to me, and it was completely deserved. i know it doesn't excuse my behaviour in any way, but these past few weeks my mental state has been absolutely awful. i've been acting erratic, rude, uptight, and just generally horrible to be around.

the thing is, being right about the underlying data protection issues doesn't justify how i treated individual people. rowan, chris, max, and everyone else i targeted personally - you didn't deserve the level of abuse i directed at you. my frustration with institutional failures doesn't excuse making it personal or being unnecessarily cruel.

to everyone who felt uncomfortable with my presence or got hurt by my words: i'm genuinely sorry. i let my anger about these issues turn me into someone i don't recognise, and that's entirely on me.

what i learned

this whole experience taught me that being right about something doesn't give you license to be awful to people. there were constructive ways to raise these concerns that didn't involve personal attacks, insults, or making people feel like shit for trying to do their jobs.

i also learned that when you're in a bad mental state, it's probably better to step back from heated situations rather than double down and make everything worse. i should have taken breaks, sought help, or found other outlets for my frustration.

moving forward

the ban is permanent, and i understand why. hussein and the fire department gave me multiple chances to change my approach, and i chose not to take them seriously. that's on me.

i still believe the data protection issues i raised are important, and i hope hack club addresses them properly. but i won't be around to see how that plays out, and honestly, that's probably for the best.

to those who felt hurt by my actions: i'm sorry, and i'm working on being better. to those who supported the underlying concerns i raised: thank you, and i hope you continue pushing for accountability in more constructive ways than i managed.